The Power to Be Who You Want to Be

I provide a free resource that looks at the negativity bias - the tendency to focus on what’s going wrong rather than what’s going right, and the confirmation bias, like a self‑fulfilling prophecy: the belief that something isn’t going to work out, whether spoken aloud or thought internally. Even writing this makes me feel negative because I’m activating the parts of my brain that hyperfocus on negativity.

From an evolutionary perspective, there’s a reason why we’re wired to focus on what might go wrong as we needed to spot and avoid danger to survive. In modern life, however, we often activate these survival‑based neural circuits far too readily when there’s no immediate threat.

Is it easy to shift this way of thinking? No. But there are strategies that support positive thinking and mindful optimism.

One of the most talked‑about techniques recently is visualisation. Many people create a vision board with images that inspire them or write about their expectations to help motivate themselves. Others visualise themselves doing the thing they want to do, imagining both success and challenges, so that they are mentally prepared when obstacles arise.

For example, Michael Phelps, one of the most highly acclaimed Olympians of all time, often visualised every detail of his races, including unexpected problems such as water in his goggles, and mentally rehearsed how he would cope. This preparation helped him remain calm and focused in high‑pressure situations.

The way we perceive ‘failure’ is closely tied to this. If you see yourself as a disappointment and fall into a cycle of self‑criticism, you escalate negative loops in your brain. If, however, you lean into curiosity, you might view failure as information and part of a process rather than an end result. After all, how often does something go exactly to plan first time?

In her book Rewire: Break the Cycle, Alter Your Thoughts and Create Lasting Change, neuroscientist Nicole Vignola explains the concept of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to mould itself based on experience and environment. She writes that “the brain is plastic, not elastic, and change isn’t linear”, which is a sentiment I love because it captures the idea that we can become who we want to be by making small changes that truly support our wellbeing.

Sometimes the goal isn’t about achieving something specific; it’s about coping when challenges arise. I often find myself thinking, “this is typical — this always happens to me,” or assuming the negative before it has even happened. Now, I try to notice what I’m feeling before the words even come out, and deliberately stop that pattern. If you can intentionally reframe these thoughts, that’s a powerful strategy for feeling better about problems and, when your mind is open, finding a multitude of solutions.

Around 90% of our brain activity is subconscious, and we often don’t realise that it’s the main driver of our actions, thoughts and decisions. I invite you to challenge some of the beliefs you may hold about yourself: whether it’s negative thinking, the belief that you cannot do something, or the idea that you’re simply “not able.” Try whatever it is you’ve been putting off - a sport, a hobby, a new skill. The more you practise, the more your brain will encode new neural pathways to reshape your experiences and beliefs about yourself.

Want to learn more? Get in touch to see how coaching could support you.